Meltdown

I have all these groceries just sitting here waiting to be unloaded. I have wiped-down shelves that need to be lined before I unpack the groceries. I spent $250 on them. My doctor didn't refill my lorazapam. I'm anxious and freaking out. I have to remember it's day by day. Minute by minute. But I'm still super overwhelmed and anxious. The end.

Now it's a couple hours later and I'm much calmer. Still super overwhelmed. But calmer. I think I saw that coming. I knew the buildup of the last few weeks of binging would make me feel crazy and eventually lead to a breakdown. Sister tried to support me during my freakout. There's nothing anyone can do when I get like that. I have to eat protein and take deep breaths. It's like I set it up sub-consciously, this freakout, this fit. I wanted to remind myself why I'm doing this. A big freaking fit caused by too much sugar for weeks, and a blood sugar low that can set it off. I feel bad that she had to be in on it.