f r e e

I feel the freest I've felt in years. I'm free from candy wrappers and empty pints of ice cream laying around my apartment. I'm free from mood swings and unexplained sadness. I'm free from the dilemma of stopping at the store late at night on the way home. I'm free from shame and guilt. I'm free from trying to fill uncomfortable feelings with sugar. I'm free from the panic of not feeling full. I'm free from sneakiness. I'm free from feeling slow and sluggish and tired. I'm free from feeling self-conscious about who sees me eating what. I don't want to go back! Ever!

Four Weeks Down, the Rest of My Life To Go

I just got back from visiting Kathy in Bend. It was challenging at times, food-wise, for sure. When I go out of town on a trip or little getaway, it's usually been even more a time to indulge and make impulsive food decisions, because, hey, I'm on vacation, I deserve it. But there were no impulsive decisions this weekend. I think the biggest trigger was watching people walk around with lattes. I don't even feel like a latte does anything for me, it's just become this comfort thing. And I've gotten used to driving right by Starbucks on my way to work without getting grumpy. Or getting through a latte craving in the afternoon. But on this trip, a couple times, it was really difficult to not indulge. It helped immensely that Kathy was backing me up. She didn't drink coffee or booze, and didn't eat any sweets. She's pretty healthy anyway, but made an extra effort this weekend. She made me a delicious roasted chicken when I arrived, and for dinner the next night she found a place that had an awesome steak salad. We hiked around a few places, caught up and hung out in her cute new home. It was a great weekend. There are all these "firsts" that I'm having where I learn that as difficult as old habits are to break, I don't die when they change, in fact, I get better.