Hard Times

Today I just feel angry. Angry I have hives, angry I have diabetes. I want to eat what I want, I want to exercise when I want. I am discouraged. The last few weeks I've been slacking, eating stuff not ideal for my diet, eating more sugar. My numbers have gone up and I've had to increase my meds (no insulin still). I want to go back to the way I was eating before, but it seems difficult. I don't want to live like this, always swinging back and forth and constantly worrying about my health. Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Last night was the first mindful eating class. It really is a class, not a process group. That was annoying to me. I need a place to process. I guess if I started going to OA again I could meet people that I could call our go out with. My diabetes group can sometimes feel like a process group. That's once a month. Maybe someone in there would be good to talk to. Not so far. I'm so grumpy.

A1c

And the number is..... 7.1 !!! Down from 12.7 (yiiiikes) when I started. Ideally diabetics should stay under 6.5 (Dr. Hyman says 5.5 because 6-6.5 in normal people would be considered pre-diabetes). Anywayyyy I am soooo sooooooo happy with this number!!! I still need to go completely off my meds, and I haven't started regular exercise yet, so as I mentioned before I've got some hard work ahead. But for right this second I'm just grateful for this huge change in my health. And I made it happen!!

Next: Treatment

Oh my gosh sorry I went almost a month without posting. Turns out the labs for my A1c weren't done the day I thought...the doc wanted a full three months of me doing my food plan before she measured my blood sugar average. So today I did them and I'll find out soon what that number is. In order for me to not "have" diabetes any longer, it must be under 6.5. It was really high when I had tests done right before I started this; a 12. Scary. So I know it will be lower, just not sure how much lower. Regardless, I'm still on medication and have a ways to go before I can get that number on my own.

So about the whole concept of no longer "having" diabetes. Dr. Hyman (dude whose plan I've been following) and other docs say, "You can no longer have diabetes. You can reverse your diabetes." The dietician I'm meeting with says she likes to call it getting your diabetes into "remission." I grappled with that for awhile, then decided there was no need to get caught up in semantics. Kath pointed out, it's like cancer, it can go into remission, but you're more vulnerable because of the initial diagnosis. Which is basically what the dietitian said as well--you'll always have to be careful; you could get it again or not. You can reverse type 2 diabetes but you may be more susceptible to getting it again. So I feel a few ways about that. It makes the most sense, and I can accept it. But part of me believed I could just annihilate my diabetes; never again have to worry about how carbs and sugar would impact my actual health. But overall, it's okay, because maybe it's a sort of blessing in disguise, maybe it's a way I will always remember I have to take care of myself.

And there's that: taking care of myself. I've started the next phase in learning how to do that. I began going to Portland Dialectic Behavior Center. It's like treatment. It is treatment; it's outpatient treatment. I'm in the eating disorder program, which was hard to grasp at first, but my grazing habits did become a form of binging. I'll be doing sort of a combo of the Standard Program and the DBT Eating Disorders Program. I am going to individual counseling weekly. I'm seeing a dietician bi-weekly who specializes in eating disorders and diabetes. And in a couple weeks I'll begin a six-month weekly mindful eating group, which starts out each session eating a meal. Pretty intense. I teach my clients about mindfulness, I teach them DBT skills often. But now I can get support to use these skills on something I have struggled with all these years. And insurance covers it all --I just have small co-pays. So fortunate.

I've been struggling a bit with the food plan. According to Dr. Hyman I have by now officially re-set my metabolism. I've continued the plan mostly. I have started eating dairy and some beans...the hard part still is sugar. It's not hard to avoid bread. Corn chips and popcorn I've started a little of. Although those and dairy are just sort of over-rated. I have a weird after-taste/bad breath thing happen when I have dairy. Corn stuff just tastes meh. Maybe in treatment I can figure out how to eat sugar and not care so much about it or want it all the time. It's about balance. That's all I want in all of my life is just balance and moderation. No extremes, no black and whites.

Augh the HIVES. For those of you who don't know, I was diagnosed with Chronic Idiopathic Urticaria in 2004. Basically every few years I get hives for no reason, which last months. Sometimes antihistamine regimens help, sometimes not. I've done everything to try to figure it out; allergy testing, diet changes, acupuncture, naturopathy, everything. Blood tests have shown it is not auto-immune related. I can't exercise vigorously because the hives get much worse. Caffeine flares them up as well. I am in "it's not fair" mode. I wanted the food plan to fix everything. It didn't. The most recent bout began last October, finally got under control in January with 3 antihistamines, then flared up again last month. Every morning I wake up with hives all over. Usually by the time I take my now fourth antihistamine and take a shower, they'll have gone down somewhat. So still I'm struggling with walking and not wanting them to flare. But the allergist says to not let them get in the way of mild walks, so I won't.

Whew that was a long one. I hope it wasn't the most boring thing you may have ever read. I still need  support--and I don't know how I could have done that first leg without all of you commenting and emailing and calling. I imagine it will continue to be helpful for me to post, and sort of chronicle my experience of learning mindful and healthy eating. I hope to also start trying new food; perhaps I will post recipes. For now, I am so pleased at how I feel, and look! I want to continue this because it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. PS don't worry guys my hair is brunette, not jet black. This was just the day I got it done.

Labs Tomorrow

PS. I love seeing my chin and my cheek definition again. It's been a really long time!

Blueberry Almond Meal Muffins

This recipe came from someone on the Blood Sugar Solution message boards. I made them tonight--left the honey out. They were still sweet enough. It definitely served as a baked-good fix. Of course...I put some butter on it too...since I'm allowing myself dairy now and then... 

Blueberry Almond Meal Muffins
Makes 6 servings
preheat oven to 350
line six cupcake pan with aluminum cupcake cups
and spray with olive oil           
1 cup almond meal (I get at Trader Joes)
4 eggs
2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. cinnamon
1 tsp. vanilla extract (no sugar/organic)
1 TBsp honey
1 cup frozen blueberries           
Mix almond meal, baking powder and cinnamon together in one bowl (mix well so no lumps in baking powder).
In another bowl scramble eggs with vanilla and honey.
Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients well. Add blueberries and then divide into the six cups.
Bake for approx 25-30 minutes until toothpick comes out somewhat clean. Let cool and store leftovers in the refrigerator after cooling. I hope you enjoy them.
Nutritional Value for Each: 168 calories, 2g sat. fat,
11g carb, 3 g fiber, 8 g protein.   

Wellllll I think I jumped the gun by going completely off my meds. The numbers started going up a little so I guess my body wasn't ready to do it on its own. Still haven't started exercising because my hives came back. They get worse when I exercise. But when I go for a 30 minute walk they don't get bad...so I'm sort of using them as an excuse to still not exercise. Sometimes it's frustrating to read the posts on the Blood Sugar Solution website where people are all happy and excited that they've completely stuck to the plan for months on end and that they're down 40 lbs and have completely reversed their diabetes. Because it makes it seem so easy. But it's so not! I have to model this to what works for me. Last week I ate a dark chocolate bar four days in a row. I wanted to and I felt defiant. Then I saw how it affected my numbers, and I felt regret. Then I got over it and moved on. If there's one thing that isn't going to work for me in this process of change, it's blame and judgement of myself. When there's obstacles, I have to take them and accept them and remember it's all part of the process. This can't be an all-or-nothing journey...all-or-nothing never works!

Plan

Friday June 29th I'll have completed 9 weeks of the Blood Sugar Solution. Then on July 3rd I get my bloodwork done for the first time since I began. Based on my glucose readings these days, I'm not expecting my A1c to read at a non-diabetic level. They are not totally down to what they should be but they are very close. I want to have a realistic expectation. I think it would be realistic to set a goal of being diabetes-free by my 38th birthday. That means I have four months to get my numbers completely back to non-diabetes numbers. Beginning to exercise regularly will help a lot. I am totally off all diabetes medication. I'm taking Chromium, Biotin and Cinnamon; all supplements which help reduce insulin resistance. I think at this rate-- continuing to follow the BSS food plan, beginning and maintaining regular exercise, and taking these supplements, along with continued support from a counselor and nutritionist, I can meet this goal.

Heather had me over for dinner after work and then August and I did some activity book times. It was sweet. I like how I am looking. Healthy. Thinner. Good.

So This Happened

I ate the whole bag in a day. Gross. I feel awful and I don't know why I did it. Tomorrow's a new day.

Hungry Day

Also, another first: Today was a hungry day. Where my metabolism seemed different and I just wasn't feeling satisfied or full ever. I realized, do people who eat normally have these kinds of days? My food was all the same stuff I eat every day. It wasn't that my blood sugar was low either. It wasn't bored-hungry or sad-hungry. My body must have been telling me something. Listening to my body is something I'm totally re-learning. It's sort of fascinating. It was totally a trigger to be that hungry because I just wanted to eat so much and then I wanted to eat bad stuff also. I didn't. Except a bunch of cheddar cheese at a friends' tonight because I was starving. But that's okay because I've been allowing myself a little cheese here and there.

Smaller

Wooooooo! I've lost 4 inches off of my waist and 3 inches off of my hips. HOOORAYYY. People at work keep commenting on how they didn't recognize me for a second, or they say how thin I'm looking. It's a really good feeling.

Friday I have an intake with a counselor at Portland Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It's a clinic that works with people with addictions, eating disorders, and trauma. The counselor I'm seeing works specifically with people with eating disorders. I do not have an eating disorder, per se, but my behaviors around eating and my addiction to sugar have caused enough issues for me to want some tools to continue to change and maintain this way of life. I am hopeful about the experience.

A client just brought me strawberries from our garden here. They were the most sweet delicious thing I've had for six weeks...yummmies.

Keeping it Going

Tuna Update

What the WHAT? I have been eating like 3-4 cans of white albacore tuna per week, which I just read is 3 times the amount of mercury intake anyone should have. Booooo. One per week allowed. In other news, here are the cutest sandals I bought for myself for my six week milestone! Cute with my new thinner feet and ankles. Friday I'm using the gift certificate sister got me to get my nails done, then Mom and Dad are making us steak salad. Good times.

Unplanned Dinner

I just ate an impromptu dinner at the neighbors'... Brian made an amazing brussels sprout steak salad. It had Parmigiano-Reggiano and currants. I am supposed to eat neither of those things. But it was the most delicious. I enjoyed it more than I maybe ever would have since I've not eaten cheese or dairy for five weeks. I just wanted to. It was the only thing they served that I could eat; there were rolls, corn on the cob, cookies and banana bread. I brought garlic-stuffed olives since it was last-minute. I probably should have just declined the invite, knowing I'd be faced with amazing food I couldn't eat. My rationale was, "I just have one more week." That's not gonna work...especially if I'm changing my whole way of eating for life. I will have to learn how to ask for what I need (for example, I could have asked what they were making for dinner). I need have a food plan all the time. That is really. Really. Difficult. It's fine when I'm making all my own food all the day long every day. But when stuff like this comes up, it's hard. Dr. Hyman's book alone isn't going to be a great post-plan guide. I plan to call that dietician this week so I can catch her up on what's been going on and figure out how she can support me best. Also I'm going to my doctor's clinic diabetes education group that meets monthly on Thursday. I can share what I've been doing and maybe get some helpful feedback. This plan has been a jumping off point...the time after that will be more difficult. If I want to stay off medication and completely reverse my diabetes, I have to be willing to continue to have healthy food guidelines and accept that certain things I may never be able to eat again...especially if I'm a prone sugar addict. Ugh it feels daunting. But one day at a time. I mean, this is what I eventually, hopefully will be able to maintain--a healthy balance.

I hope to get up at 8 tomorrow to walk. In my funk this weekend I bought new work-out clothes  (smaller sizes!) So I better start using them.

f r e e

I feel the freest I've felt in years. I'm free from candy wrappers and empty pints of ice cream laying around my apartment. I'm free from mood swings and unexplained sadness. I'm free from the dilemma of stopping at the store late at night on the way home. I'm free from shame and guilt. I'm free from trying to fill uncomfortable feelings with sugar. I'm free from the panic of not feeling full. I'm free from sneakiness. I'm free from feeling slow and sluggish and tired. I'm free from feeling self-conscious about who sees me eating what. I don't want to go back! Ever!

Four Weeks Down, the Rest of My Life To Go

I just got back from visiting Kathy in Bend. It was challenging at times, food-wise, for sure. When I go out of town on a trip or little getaway, it's usually been even more a time to indulge and make impulsive food decisions, because, hey, I'm on vacation, I deserve it. But there were no impulsive decisions this weekend. I think the biggest trigger was watching people walk around with lattes. I don't even feel like a latte does anything for me, it's just become this comfort thing. And I've gotten used to driving right by Starbucks on my way to work without getting grumpy. Or getting through a latte craving in the afternoon. But on this trip, a couple times, it was really difficult to not indulge. It helped immensely that Kathy was backing me up. She didn't drink coffee or booze, and didn't eat any sweets. She's pretty healthy anyway, but made an extra effort this weekend. She made me a delicious roasted chicken when I arrived, and for dinner the next night she found a place that had an awesome steak salad. We hiked around a few places, caught up and hung out in her cute new home. It was a great weekend. There are all these "firsts" that I'm having where I learn that as difficult as old habits are to break, I don't die when they change, in fact, I get better.

Today

Ken Gordon was interviewed on OBP this morning--I didn't catch it but a couple friends heard it and passed along the info (cute friends). He's owner and chef of a popular local restaurant, Kenny and Zukes, who found out this year he has type 2 diabetes. He writes a weekly column in the Oregonian about his process of making lifestyle changes to reverse his diagnosis. Mom cut out a few of them for me a couple months ago and I liked it, and now I've read  them up until his latest. I like how he talks about his experience of finding out, and his struggles and successes.

I was talking to my friend Craig today about how my own progress was going. He said he's noticed I look more vibrant, I smile more, and my whole demeanor has changed. It was so nice to hear. As we talked more and I was telling him about the six week end, he asked why I'd stop at six weeks. "Because I can't stand the thought of eating this rigidly any longer than that!" I answered. He made me really re-think what this is all about. "Why would you stop if you feel so good? If you think of it as having a definite end, it's likely you will go right back to eating the way you did," he said. I thought about this and decided there was real truth to that. It made more sense to him once I explained that the six weeks was an intentional amount of time that this doctor recommends for your body to "re-boot" and metabolize food differently. But it still made me think about why I am really doing this. We decided I'd think of the six weeks as a measure rather than an end. When six weeks is done, the book dedicates a chapter to easing other foods back in. If my body is ready for that, based on my blood sugar readings, I can start. If it's not ready, I'll keep doing this. As I exercise more, continue to lose weight, and continue to stabilize my numbers, I will see when it may be okay to add other things back. Nanis, my diabetes nurse, called today after reading my three weeks of food and glucose tracking. She suggested I do this as well. She doesn't want the six-week marker to be a set-up. She told me I was doing a great job, but that she's a realist and wants to make sure this is sustainable.

BUT. Today, I'm good. Today, I'm doing it. And that is what matters the most. Each day I do this is a success. I've started the ball rolling, I see how much better my life feels, and I have more and more incentive to continue to be healthy!

Good Weekend

I just really wanted a beer today! And then when I was at Fred Meyer I wanted ice cream. But none of it felt desperate or deprivation-driven. I'm maybe getting better at letting the cravings pass. Feels like a big step. That's what this is about--learning skills I can be successful at forevs.

End of Week Three!

Some Things

I was going to do a video blog but I'm feeling sort of camera-shy. I'm hopeful about where I'm at. BUT last night I did go and buy a bag of Olive Oil Popcorn from Trader Joe's and ate almost the whole bag. I had PMS and was starving, which is not an excuse. It messed my blood sugars up a lot. So, none of that any longer while I'm doing this. Well, really probably I can't do that kind of binging ever if I want to stay away from blood sugar issues long-term. Unless it's a broccoli binge. But it's really the behavior that's a problem, not the food, when I binge. I hate even calling it binging because I feel like it gives the image of me rifling savagely through my cupboards and fridge for long periods of time, eating whatever I possibly can. But there's all different levels of it. Maybe I'm still somewhat in denial. Sally commented on here reminding me of a program in Portland called Be Nourished, where they offer counseling and nutrition guidance. I want to re-visit it soon. I took a training there and really loved the staff because they were very real. If I'm going to practice healthy eating habits, I'm going to have to re-teach myself how to eat mindfully.

The mini-fridge in my office at work is helping lots. I don't feel as panicky about how I'm going to get good food prepared. And I don't care if people think it's weird that it's there.

On the way home from work I was fantasizing about all the things I can eat when this is over. Then I had to remind myself, this will never be over! I will not be able to eat the way I did if I want to stay healthy and no longer have diabetes. Then I threw a fit in my mind and then I got over it and looked for more information. Phewsh. This page from the Blood Sugar Solution website finally helped clarify some things in terms of what I can eat after the six weeks. What I have to remember is that my body is re-setting. My metabolism and insulin sensitivity will be re-set, but until then, I need to stay rigid.

Two-Week Reward

Friday I got my nails done for my two-week reward. Heather's tiny foot and my huge hand.

Chicken Salad

Kickin off week three with my three year-old buddy E and some serious chicken salad stirring. Grilled chicken, mayo, celery and garlic olives from the New Seasons olive bar. Good times.

Posting Comments

Lots of people are having difficulty posting comments. Click on "comments" after the post. Type your comment text in. Before you hit "publish", scroll down the options next to "comment as." Then choose "name/url." Whether you have a Gmail account or not, or another blog or not, it is best to just choose that option. It will ask for a name and a url. Just type your name (so I know which awesome person is commenting) and skip the url part. Then hit "continue" and follow the prompts. Please give it a shot, as I really love comments and they keep me encouraged and fueled. xo

Last Night of Week Two

Day Thirteen

Talked to my diabetes nurse today and she's excited about my progress on this. She said I may even need to decrease my medication soon, and I'm already totally off insulin. If I can continue to lose weight, it may not be as difficult to keep my numbers down in the future, and I won't have to eat this strict forever (maybe).

I'm excited for Mother's Day--a walk in Trion Creek park and steak for dinner. I feel super extra thankful for my mom. I talked to her today when I had a meltdown and it was really helpful. She's so supportive. I guess I needed to have a meltdown--this thing is difficult.

Okay

 

 But sometimes you just have to look at a picture like this and know that all will be okay.

Kale of Duty

Why I choose to eat nothing but kale, ever, for the rest of my life.

 By Scott Jacobson|Posted Tuesday, May 8, 2012, at 7:30 AM ET  (Slate Magazine)

Kale chips
Photograph by Brendan Hoffman/Getty Images.

I moved to Los Angeles two years ago and learned right away that I was unprepared for West Coast life. Before even buying my plane ticket I should have listened to the old Beach Boys song and cultivated a bushy, bushy blonde hairdo. I thought it was just a surfer thing, but everyone here has one: the mayor, the specialist who came to install the "edible wall garden" on my composting shed, the police officer who ticketed me for my backyard pizza oven (I burn lawn clippings in there), everyone! The other biggie: My diet of grains, meats, vegetables, and homemade fruit leather was far too varied. Apparently all I ever need to eat for the rest of my life is kale. And I swear to you on the tub of Sun-In hair lightener into which I dunk my increasingly bushy head each morning: I will achieve a kale-only diet.

Almost

My sister just had to guide me through flushing a chocolate bar down the toilet. I feel like a freaking addict.

Tired

Another rough day, people. I got enough sleep and yet was exhausted the whole day. In fact, in the afternoon I felt much the same tiredness as I do when I've had caffeine and sugar in the morning. I don't care for that...confusing. Is my body still detoxing? It made me want sugar. I drank a cup of black tea. That helped but then an hour I was ravenous, which is a typical caffeine side effect for me, so that was triggering as well. No tea, no soy lattes. Mehhhhhhhhhh. The end.

End of the First Day Back at Work

Nighttime after work is gonna be soooo difficult. Ugh.

End of Day Nine

Tomorrow I go back to work after 11 days of vacation. I am partly glad, partly anxious. I need the structure back but I don't know if I can hack the commitment. I need to make some stuff tonight that I can eat all week when I get home from work. What I do know is that I will feel better at the end of the day even though I may be starving. Instead of coming home from a day of sugar and caffeine, I will be coming home from a day of nourishment and sustenance.

I Began

Another thing to not have in common with Courtney Love

"Sugar is a main staple in Love's diet, especially because of the 4 a.m. to 5 a.m craving that she developed after living at the Mercer Hotel."

Courtney Love's Food Diary: Addicted To Sugar

Best Smoothie

Today was a good day! I helped Dad put up cabinets in their laundry room. I don't really remember the last time I helped them do any project at their house. A week in, and I have energy and I'm thinking clearer. I didn't stress about food, I brought my own to their house for lunch. Me and Dad had fun.

Also, I now love this smoothie. It's...how you say...hearty.

End of Day Six

Okay I rode it out and although I still want ice cream I am not feeling as desperate and panicky. Talking to a friend always helps, and it's true that if you ride it out it passes. I think the craving lasted about 45 minutes. Maybe they'll get shorter-please?

Made a great lunch with Shanda today, chicken salad in romaine lettuce hearts. So yummy and filling. I made kale chips--they are not delicious but it's a good way to get the salt and crunch. I'm still not getting enough calories each day, according to myfitnesspal.com. Working on that.

Hard

Soooo super triggered. I'm really really tired, which makes me want sugar. I had dinner at Katie's and I was driving home and I wanted to do my usual route to Safeway to pick up chocolate or ice cream or donuts. I didn't, I'm home now, but really really fixated on eating sugar. I know it will pass. I know if I eat sugar right now it will make my blood sugars go up, it will throw off my body's detoxing process, and I will be regretful. It may taste good right then, but it won't fix how I'm feeling. I'm grumpy, I'm anxious, and I'm kinda sad. It'll all pass, but right now it feels hard.

End of Day Five

AND! My blood sugars are going down at an incredible rate. Have lost three pounds.

Feeling so so grateful for the people in my life who have taken the time to support me in all amazing ways. I don't don't how I'd do this on my own.

End of Day Four

Day Four

Blehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Woke up feeling so anxious about food. Going to Heather's tonight to have salad. Good. But I think I need to focus on planning some stuff that's easy to make and filling and always around. That feels daunting with my limited food choices.

On another note, wow have I been thinking clearer. Wow.

And

I feel more confident when I cook.

Also, I'm getting much less uncomfortable without the TV. It was just getting through about the first week; I'd stand there and not know what to do with myself. Now I've been listening to music, cooking, and other things I forgot I did before.

Video Blog from day two

Video Blog from first day

Day Three

Sugar detox headache gone. PHEW.

I CAN cook

I can cook! I've been a good cook for like my whole adult life. Well maybe more like the last 15 years. I just choose not to cook for myself. I hate cooking for myself. BUT what I'm realizing now is that THIS is what I could be doing for an hour after work instead of watching TV and mindlessly eating takeout. It can be like a project. I dunno, maybe too enthusiastic of a goal, but I guess I was just reminded (in cooking my black bean soup) of how fun it can be.

Went to an OA meeting today. Meh.

Still experiencing detox headache.

Meltdown

I have all these groceries just sitting here waiting to be unloaded. I have wiped-down shelves that need to be lined before I unpack the groceries. I spent $250 on them. My doctor didn't refill my lorazapam. I'm anxious and freaking out. I have to remember it's day by day. Minute by minute. But I'm still super overwhelmed and anxious. The end.

Now it's a couple hours later and I'm much calmer. Still super overwhelmed. But calmer. I think I saw that coming. I knew the buildup of the last few weeks of binging would make me feel crazy and eventually lead to a breakdown. Sister tried to support me during my freakout. There's nothing anyone can do when I get like that. I have to eat protein and take deep breaths. It's like I set it up sub-consciously, this freakout, this fit. I wanted to remind myself why I'm doing this. A big freaking fit caused by too much sugar for weeks, and a blood sugar low that can set it off. I feel bad that she had to be in on it.

Food Plan

Commit to the first two weeks of the BSS (Blood Sugar Solution) recipes. Freeze leftovers. Keep making recipes I like. Use Chloe's recipes whenever I want.

Incentives/Rewards

Mid-point: Saturday May 19th.
Shoes

End: Saturday June 9th.
Massage

Maintenance: Monthly.
?

Buildup

Tonight I had dinner at Mom and Dad's because Cath was in town and it was really good to see her. We all cried about Phoebe...it's only been a few weeks now since she died. I talked a lot about my program  (what can I call it other than that?) and Cath was interested. Another practice of me talking about it, owning it, and not worrying about how it sounds or what people think.

I got my lab results. It had to be over the phone because my A1c was so high that Heather didn't want to post it. Fuuuuck! It's at 12! The highest it's ever ever been. I wasn't surprised it was higher but I was surprised it was THAT high. So scary. So glad I'm going to do this.

Guidelines

Vegetables 3/4 of my plate, protein 1/4.
No grains for six weeks. After that, high protein grains like quinoa and black rice.
1/2 cup of berries per day. No other fruit.

Mental Obstacles

What are the top three things I do that hold me back from my health and weight loss goals?  Choosing to make unhealthy food choices at work. Emotional eating. Eating tons of sugar all day.

What are the top three emotions or mental habits that keep me from my health and weight loss goals? Entitlement--I can do whatever I want. Loneliness--if food is there I won't feel lonely for human contact. Fear--if I succeed at being healthy I may fail, which may feel worse than just continuing to be unhealthy.


Do I have any toxic relationships in my life right now? Do they serve a purpose for me? Is there a way I could give them up or change them? How can I do that? The only toxic relationship I have right now is my relationship with Sugar. Hopefully this process will help me end it.

How would my life be different without these behavioral habits, mental and emotional constructs,and relationships?  I would feel healthy. My self esteem would be better. I would think clearer. I would be motivated. I may explore things that I have been held back from for years.

Am I really too busy to change my habits and life? No. This weekend I plan to get rid of the TV. I plan to start limiting my computer time. Last week I finished a novel for the first time in a really long time.

What are some behaviors, habits, and relationships I could choose to engage in that would give me energy and mental, spiritual, and physical health? Walking in the morning, or going to the gym, or starting back up with Holly. Reading. Managing money so that I meet up with friends and just be out in the world in general more. I could take Denise's Mindfulness training that is coming up that I keep telling Theresa I will do. Embroidering at night so that I don't eat. Helping Mom and Dad with their yard/house. Going to bed by 11 and getting up at 8. Not reading Facebook.


What motivates me in life? What makes me want to wake up each morning? What is my life's purpose? Friends, family, love. Those make me wake up each morning. Knowing I do great work at my job. Jeez, I don't know what my life's purpose is. I'm going to have to think about that a little more.

How does being overweight or ill diminish or detract from my life's purpose? I am  held back from being my true self. My brain and body don't work as well as they should, and that holds me back.

How would following this program and getting well allow me to fulfill my life's purpose more effectively?

Poison

pre

Start date for the Blood Sugar Solution program: Saturday April 28th. Six weeks with no sugar, no flour, no dairy, no grains. A re-boot of my body. Then we'll go from there.

http://www.bloodsugarsolution.com/

I'm trying to talk about it as much as I can. I'm reaching out and asking for support. I need to break up with Sugar, and I can't do it alone. Dad told me about this book he saw about diabetes. Written by Dr. Hyman, a leading guy in the current functional medicine movement. He's a little hype-y but I don't really care about that. I think I'm just ready, and this book came to my attention around the same time as my readiness.

Today my co-workers Theresa and Rhonda said they'd support me however they could with this program. Rhonda said she'd even try to eat the same with me at work. It felt awesome. I was super emotional all day; couldn't even do that great of counseling. I'm worried I can't do it. Kath said "One step at a time." I said, "Okay."

Also Dad called last night and I told him I planned to start it and he said he and Mom would read the book and talk about it with me and support me.